Khan couldn't find peace.
The mental barrier had helped him go through the mission, and the many proofs of the Niqols' intense love in the village had brought some stability.
Liiza had made Khan realize his similarities with the mutated Niqols, which shattered that stability, but her intentions were pure. She wanted him to experience everything fully to gain access to a deeper layer of his feelings and allow her to take a share of that burden. Her desire was selfless, and it had made Khan go past simple acceptance. Liiza had managed to create some forgiveness and peace inside him.
Still, everything crumbled again during the briefing. The Global Army wasn't only aware of the incoming daylight. It had even decided to remain silent about the whole matter, uncaring of what the aliens and the recruits would experience.
Khan could probably accept that behavior if he tried to rationalize it. He would understand the benefits that the Global Army could receive after that decision if he threw away his emotions and studied everything through cynical eyes. However, Lieutenant Kintea's expression made him silently swear never to become like him.
The issue wasn't with the cruelty in the Global Army's intentions. Khan could even ignore where that decision had led him. He knew he was a pawn, a mere gear in a larger system. Yet, he couldn't accept the satisfaction and joy that Lieutenant Kintea showed during the briefing.
It was fine to gain something from the suffering of those around you. That mindset wasn't good or righteous, but the world was too ugly to think in those terms. Khan had learnt how to be cynical in the Slums, and that understanding had never once left his perspective.
On the other hand, Khan had never accepted that blatant cruelty. He had done bad things, but he had never enjoyed himself during those moments.
The issue was even worse at that time due to the targets of that cruelty. Khan had grown close to the Niqols, so it hurt to see his superiors treat them with such detachment. He was a pawn, but the aliens had even lower value. Their worth came from the potential benefits that they could give to the Global Army, and Lieutenant Kintea had never once viewed them as living beings or intelligent species.
Captain Erbair and Paul didn't appear as cruel as the Lieutenant, but Khan could see how they shared the core belief that led to that feeling. The Niqols weren't humans, so they didn't have much value. That view didn't even come from a sense of superiority or xenophobia. The simple awareness that the Niqols were aliens created a wall that made the two soldiers unable to accept them as their equals on a general viewpoint.
Khan had to activate the mental barrier to maintain his poker face. He was already radiating cold feelings, so the action didn't alert the three soldiers. They actually found his mental resilience quite commendable, but that made sense when they recalled everything that Khan had experienced.
The three soldiers couldn't even begin to imagine what Khan was experiencing. The recent deepening of his emotions and his current frail condition risked making him show his true feelings. The three would be able to see the anger born from the injustice that Khan felt. They would learn about his newfound mistrust toward the Global Army, and they would also notice his affection toward the species that had never struggled to accept him.
'I could probably gain something out of this,' Khan guessed as his cynical mind took over his thoughts.
The order to clear the village had come from the professors, so Khan couldn't describe how important his actions had been for the Niqols. Yet, the three soldiers had already almost confirmed that the mutations had affected the aliens. It was doable to make them understand that Khan had performed a crucial role during the crisis without triggering the azure rune on his neck.
Still, his mind categorically opposed that approach. Khan couldn't even start to think about that tactic. The mental barrier couldn't defeat his feelings there.
"What do I have to report back?" Khan coldly asked as the atmosphere inside the briefing room became suffocating.
"We have already provided a story," Lieutenant Kintea revealed while nodding toward Paul. "You only need to confirm it and express our desire to be more involved with this event. The solar wind has ruined our initial plan, but we believe that reaching similar results is possible.
"Make sure to mention what we know about the daylight too. Ambassador Yeza is playing dumb, so we must take the first step in spreading awareness about our knowledge. It's time that we stop pretending to be ignorant about the incoming crisis."
Paul understood the silent order and started tapping on the screen of his phone. Khan's device rang a few times as his squad leader forwarded to him the story that the Global Army had used to justify the absence of troops. The message spoke about a made-up crisis on a planet called Ecoruta and even added general explanations.
The best lies had truths blended inside them. Ecoruta was a planet constantly at war that the Global Army had occupied in the last century. That place was famous in a political array that involved many alien species, so the Niqols would find the story reasonable even if they knew about it.
The message also contained information meant only for Khan. The soldiers didn't know the exact range of his knowledge, but they wanted to make sure that he learnt enough about the matter to make his story more convincing. Some of those descriptions were classified, but every recruit on Nitis had the clearance to gain access to them. The reports weren't too secretive since Ecoruta was quite famous.
"Understood," Khan stated after memorizing the contents of the message and raising his gaze toward the three soldiers. "Do you have additional orders?"
"Not really," Lieutenant Kintea explained while crossing his arms. "Our relationship with the Niqols has improved quickly during the last period, but that's an anomaly. These matters usually take years or decades of silent cooperation to move forward. Your priorities are still within the academy. Learn as much as you can, but don't grow weak."
"The daylight is coming," Paul added. "The entirety of Nitis will turn upside down, and the situation won't stabilize for months. Almost all the Tainted animals will become monsters, and the eight of you will experience the crisis from inside the Niqols' social environment."
"You won't have the chance to remain outside of the struggles," Captain Erbair summarized. "Get as strong as you can in these months and perform well once the daylight arrives. Getting through the crisis isn't as important as the amount of help that the Niqols will accept once everything is over."
Khan stood up and performed a military salute. The three soldiers nodded at that resolute gesture and dismissed him. Paul even escorted him outside of the building and until the camp's edges.
The squad leader appeared honestly concerned about Khan's well-being, but he didn't question him about his life inside the academy due to his restrictions. Paul remained mostly silent while walking next to his talented underling, but he eventually started adding details connected to the briefing.
"Our prospects see most of the fauna dying due to hunts and battles among different packs," Paul explained. "The years after the crisis will require long cleansing operations, but the worst will come later, once the shortage of food hits the Niqols. We plan to share part of our resources and technology at that point. Who knows? We might even establish a proper independent city that works as a source of food."
"I understand," Khan emotionlessly replied. "Our focus must be on appearing reliable and honest throughout the whole crisis. Our freedom on Nitis after everything settles will depend on how well we perform."
Paul nodded, and a satisfied smile even appeared on his face. Khan could appear eccentric at times, but he remained the best asset in his class. The promotion to lieutenant didn't seem unreasonable with Khan gaining merits for his team.
Paul would be even happier if he knew everything that Khan had achieved during his time inside the academy. The Global Army wasn't aware of how deeply he had blended with the Niqols. The trust that the soldiers put in him came from his previous achievements.
"Be sure to continue working hard out there," Paul announced once the two reached the gate and a white figure became visible high in the dark sky. "I believe there will be full disclosure after the crisis. Everyone will become aware of your sacrifices, and I'll make sure that they won't go unrewarded."
"Thank you, Paul," Khan said while showing a fake smile toward the soldier. "I know that our relationship has been rocky at times, but I'm glad to have you as squad leader. You are fair."
Paul didn't say anything. He limited himself to wear a proud smile and pat Khan's shoulder while Snow landed a few meters from them.
"Time to go," Khan announced before approaching the Aduns.
"Bring honor to the Global Army," Paul reminded as Khan jumped on Snow's back, "And keep it inside your pants!"
Khan voiced a fake chuckle before patting Snow's feathered neck. The Aduns set off almost immediately, and Paul continued to smile as he stared at the white figure disappearing in the sky.
The wind blew on Khan's face, but he didn't feel it. The beauty of Nitis' dark sceneries expanded in his vision, but he couldn't appreciate it. The mental barrier lowered its walls and let him experience his emotions again, but he only sensed a profound coldness mixed with disgust.
Khan felt the need to vomit the food eaten in the canteen. He cursed himself for appreciating the warm meal. The spot where Paul had patted his shoulder also became an unbearable sight. Khan tried to wipe it clean of the stench that only he could smell, but nothing seemed to work. That awful odor remained on him even after he tore that chunk of his robe apart.
Ideas on how to make the Global Army pay for what it had done and had forced him to go through appeared in his mind, but he did his best not to fall prey to his anger. Khan needed his organization, and the settlements on Nitis had nothing valuable either. He could ruin the relationships between the two species, but that would only send him back to the Slums or in a military prison.
'How can everything be so cruel?' Khan cursed in his mind. 'They could have just alerted everyone and use that favor to improve their relationship!'
Khan was only venting his feelings. He knew that politics rarely rewarded good deeds, especially when it came to different species. Hesitation would always exist on both sides. He had actually studied that during the classes connected to the subject.
The idea of having to spend almost six hours alone with his thoughts scared him. His orders were clear. Khan had to return to the academy and lie to the friends that had accepted him so openly.
Liiza wouldn't even be able to do anything after learning about the Global Army's decision to keep the solar wind a secret. Khan's help had probably given the Niqols enough time to prepare for the daylight, but the situation was different now.
The elders probably already suspected that the humans were withholding information. Ambassador Yeza's behavior also showed the profound mistrust that still existed between the two species. Khan felt lost among problems that he couldn't solve and situations that he couldn't affect. His role also forced him to work for an organization that he had started to despise and go against the species he admired.
Khan decided to hide inside his training to dull the delusional and unrealistic thoughts generated by his messy feelings. He needed to calm down before reaching the academy, but life seemed to have no intention to give him peace.
Khan opened his eyes when he was halfway through the travel. His gaze went on the dark sky as his traumatic experiences flowed through his vision. He had another advantage to add to those events. He had just completed the eleventh mental exercise.
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Author's notes: 3-4 hours for the second chapter.