The discovery of unexpectedly having something in common with Kusunoki-san made our conversation more lively than I had expected, and I think was able to get to know both of them pretty well. Well, Yuzuki-san wasn’t able to keep up with our conversation about the internet game and was now slightly sulking……
Unexpectedly, Kusunoki-san has been playing internet games since she was in elementary school, and the total number of years that she had been playing the game was longer than me, who had retired from the game when I entered university.
However, perhaps because of her diligent character, she seems to be a light user who only connected for about an hour a day and I seemed to be of a much higher level than her, which made me reflect on my past.
I’ve been surprised at the fact that she has been playing internet games since she was in elementary school, but I’ve actually seen and heard of players like that when I was still playing the game and there have been some of them among the players who were close to me…… It kind of makes me nostalgic thinking about it.
There was a newbie child I happened to meet back then, and as I taught him various things, we had become friends. I thought he was close to my age or older, as he had been very polite and always using honorifics while we were chatting, and he seemed to be a smart guy, with good memory and a good head on his shoulders, so I remembered being surprised when he told me he’s 11 years old.
I remembered back when I was retiring, he was pretty supportive of me, even though I was pretty much saying goodbye to him…… I wonder how he’s doing now? Is he still playing that game, or have he already retired from that game like me……? Even though we were close, our relationship is just something online. There’s no way for me to confirm it now, but I hope he’s doing well.
(T/N: He doesn’t know the newbie’s gender, so I’m going to assume he’s a male. Just as I’m taught to assume that most people in MMOs are male.)
As I was thinking about that, it was almost time for the date to change before I knew it. We are going to the temple tomorrow, so I’ve decided to switch my mind away from reminiscing nostalgic memories about to past and went to bed.
I was born in a privileged family and lived in a privileged environment—– I think that’s how the world sees me.
I may have been blessed to be the only daughter of the Kusunoki Group, the owner of a large company, and I was given many things from an early age, but for me, the environment at home was never a comfortable one.
I learned more lessons than I can count on one hand, and while the other children of my generation were playing together outside, I was constrained in my home, studying all the time.
More than anything else, those eyes that looked at me and those affectionate smiles they gave me…… I hated them very much.
Everyone isn’t looking at me. They don’t see me for who I am, but as the “daughter of the Kusunoki family”. And even if I hated it so much, I couldn’t do anything about it.
Even if I had lots of things, freedom isn’t something that I could acquire from inside my birdcage—– the environment I thought I was in.
I started playing online games as a bit of a break from those days. It was just a short 30 minutes to an hour before I finished my lessons, ate dinner, took a bath, and went to bed. I chose to play online games in my free time, time which I considered precious at that time…… because I was attracted by its catchphrase “The place where you can be your ideal self”.
Being conscious of those words “a self that isn’t yours”, I created a male character and played the game, but to be honest, I didn’t know what to do at first, let alone enjoy it, since it was my first time playing this kind of game, let alone an online game.
Even the help on the official site isn’t very clear. There’s a lot of technical jargons and in-game chatting is rife with incomprehensible conversations, and of course, there is no one I can ask about it, so I was already at a loss in the town where I started.
And that was when—– I met “that person”.
That person, who was wearing strong-looking equipment, approached me when I was in trouble and took good care of me, who was new to internet games and chatting.
He gently and politely guided me through not only the game, but also the technical terms and unspoken rules of the internet, and even though I was slow with typing my responses, I was able to play the game properly and enjoy it.
Once I got used to it, I really enjoyed playing online games. Nobody saw me as the daughter of the Kusunoki family, but rather as myself, which made the young me very happy, making me look forward to those short times of relaxation each day more than anything else.
Especially that guy who taught me a lot of things in the beginning, and because I didn’t like the idea of my levels being pulled up like that, he took the liberty to create a new low-level character and always played with me in a fair party, where our levels matched.
He would pick me up when I logged in, take me to various hunting grounds without complaining about my poor skills and lack of knowledge, and listened to me chatter and complain about all sorts of trivial things.
……I enjoyed my time with that person the most. He was kind and dependable, and yet, somehow laid back and relaxed. I felt at ease just being with him. Having no siblings, I had thought that this may be what it feels like having an older brother.
Looking back on it now, that must be—- when I first felt love.
If I had to confess, it would be better to say that my state of mind in playing online games at that time was so that I could meet that person, rather than going online just to play the game itself.
Though I said that, I still didn’t have any idea about love at that time, and all I wanted was to play with the kind older brother……
It may sound strange to say that I’m in love with someone whose face and name I didn’t know, but at the end of the day, the ideal love interest I had in mind is a kind and dependable older man…… In short, someone like him and I think there’s probably no doubt about it.
At any rate, for the me at that time, talking with him is without a doubt, the most enjoyable and happiest time I had.
However, those times of happiness came to an abrupt end. When he told me that he was retiring for real-life reasons, I was so shocked that my mind went blank.
I didn’t want to be selfish and bother him, so I gave him some words of encouragement, but if I’m being honest, I didn’t want him to quit. I wanted him to stay forever.
However, time eventually passed without me being able to say anything, and in the spring three years ago, he disappeared from the online game world.
On the day he last connected, I stayed up late for the first time in my life. I wanted to talk to him for as long as possible……
He also said goodbye to me and gave me some of the expensive equipment and items I had been using. These items were so rare at it could even be a dream come true for me to get them at that time, but I wasn’t happy in the least bit. I was just sad.
I just shed tears as I stared at the screen of the game where he was gone, and I finally realized how important he was to me, and at the same time, I regret not knowing enough about him even after he listened to me all the time.
Maybe it’s because I’m in high school and have a better understanding of what I need for my future, or maybe it’s because I’ve been able to maintain my grades, which is a crooked way of saying I’m a good student, the number of lessons I’m taking decreased and my parents don’t put many restrictions on me anymore. I have more free time to do my best in club activities.
Starting with Hina-chan, I’ve made a lot of people that I could call my friends, and I can say that my days have been really fulfilling.
However, I’m still playing that online game and I would still go online for 30 minutes to an hour every day. I know that I’m being stubborn, but I’m still holding unto a slight hope that he might come back someday……
Turning off the lights and went to bed, my eyes reflect the faint moonlight coming through the window.
A lot of things happened today. The party at the palace is one thing, but I’m glad that I also had a chance to talk with Miyama-san, who I hadn’t had a chance to talk to very often.
To be honest, until now, there was a part of me that had a hard time grasping the distance between us, if you could call it that.
Just like me, Hina-chan and Mitsunaga-kun, he is a person who was summoned to this other world, and he is the oldest among us…… If I had to say so, I would say that my impression of Miyama-san was that he was someone I had no idea what he’s thinking about.
I guess you could call him calm at best and indifferent at worst…… Even though this was supposed to be a sudden and extraordinary situation, he somehow seemed calm and composed, and while he took the initiative to ask questions to Lilia-san and the others, he didn’t say anything about himself at all. I don’t really know how to best say it, but early on, it felt like he was always taking a step away from us, building a wall around him and treating us coldly like it was something normal, and it’s not just to Lilia-san and Lunamaria-san, but to us as well…… To be honest, I was a little afraid.
However, I’d say that impression has changed quite a bit since today. He explained a lot of information he got to us and he was worried about Mitsunaga-kun, whom he hardly spoke to. The expression on his face, which had been calm and composed for so long, had changed in many ways today, and I felt like I’m finally starting to see Miyama-san to who he really is.
What was particularly impressive was the expression on his face when he offered the green tea to Hina-chan, who was excited after she saw rice—– and the smile on his face, as if he was looking at his own little sister, made me realize that he’s a kind person at heart.
And when he saw Hina-chan, who was sulking because she couldn’t keep up with the topic of games, looking at him as he patiently taught her various things with a wry smile on his face as if he’s troubled, I remembered that person.
Maybe the reason why he had seemed so cold until now was that even though Miyama-san was also confused with all sorts of things he got involved with, he was purposely doing so that we wouldn’t feel uneasy after looking at him. That’s how different my impression of Miyama-san today was from the past.
At the very least, the Miyama-san of today looked like a senior that we could rely on…… I felt sorry that I was afraid of him because of my own imagination.
Maybe it’s a bad habit of mine to read too much into things and be wary of them. In fact, Miyama-san and I were talking about the online game, and our conversation was much easier than I had imagined, finding out how easy it is to converse with him. I guess you can’t really understand a person until you try to talk to them in person.
I don’t know if I’m being extreme or just being naive…… but my impression of Miyama-san has changed for the better after just having a long talk with him today.
Thinking about this, as I was about to lower my eyelids, letting the drowsiness engulf my consciousness, I remembered him again.
[……”Ciel-san”]
My first love, whose real name and face I know nothing about. The time I spent with that person is still a cherished memory that will stay with me to this day, and the equipment and items he left behind were all untouched and carefully stored in the online game’s warehouse. Ready and waiting for the day he comes back……
Even so, three years have already passed and I should have been remembering him less and less as time passed…… but what made me remember that person over and over again today?
Because it’s been a while since I’ve talked about the online game? No, that’s probably not it.
Ahh, I see…… It’s because they resemble. The way Miyama-san was teaching Hina-chan various things about the game, reminded me of that person in my memory……
Come to think of it, Ciel-san was four or five years older than me, just like Miyama-san…… Didn’t he mention that he based his username on his real name?
Miyama Kaito—– “Kai” for enjoyment and “to” for human—- I think “kai” could also mean shell, right?—– wait, shell?—– Ciel?
[Fufufu.]
As expected, wouldn’t circumstances be too convenient if that really were the case? However, I feel like I’m going to have a good dream today.
As a self-mocking smile leaked out from my mouth, I could feel some sort of warmth embracing my body as my consciousness sank into slumber.
