“No…” Avey whispered, her trembling hands wiping away the tears streaming down her face. Her gaze lifted to meet Jimmy’s as she steadied herself, her voice weak yet determined.
“I’ll do it,” she said softly but firmly. “I’ll heal everything. No matter how long it takes, no matter what I have to do… I’ll fix it. I’ll fix us. Lucian and I we’ll get back together.”
Her voice carried a fragile resolve, as if her conviction was the only thing keeping her from breaking entirely. Yet to Jimmy, her words sounded hollow, almost delusional.
“You’re being selfish,” Jimmy snapped, his frustration bubbling over. He leaned forward, his hands gripping the edge of the table as he locked eyes with her. “Do you even think about his feelings? Lucian made the hardest decision of his life when he chose to leave you, and now you’re here, trying to undo all of that. You’re making it even harder for him!”
Avey flinched at his words but didn’t look away. Instead, she drew in a shaky breath, her voice cracking as she replied. “Selfish? Yes… maybe I am. But I know Lucian. I know he loves me. Just like you said he loves me more than anything.”
A sad, bittersweet smile appeared on her face, a glimmer of hope shining through the despair in her eyes. “And I know that he can’t live without me, just like I can’t live without him.”
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Jimmy stared at her, his expression of anger. He shook his head slowly, his voice dropping to a quieter, almost resigned tone.
“He won’t accept you now,” he said, his words heavy with finality. “No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try you’ve lost something precious, Avey. And once it’s gone, it’s gone.”
Avey’s hands trembled as she listened, but she refused to back down. “Then I’ll keep trying,” she said, her voice trembling but resolute. “Even if he rejects me again and again, like I rejected him…” She looked down at her lap for a moment, her lips pressed into a thin line before she continued, “I’ll love him anyway. I’ll keep trying. Because it’s Lucian. Because he’s worth it because he once did the same didn’t he.”
Jimmy sighed, running a hand through his hair.
“You don’t get it, do you?” he said, his voice quiet but cutting. His eyes bore into hers, his frustration simmering beneath the surface. “You don’t even know Lucian as well as you think you do. Not anymore.”
Avey sat silently
Jimmy leaned back in his chair, folding his arms across his chest as he let out a deep breath. “If you really loved him, Avey, you wouldn’t be here talking about fixing things for your own sake. You’d let him go. You’d let him heal. But instead, you’re here, thinking only about what you want. You don’t understand what it means to love someone not really.”
Avey’s lips trembled, her chest tightening as she struggled to hold herself together.
“I do love him,” she whispered, her voice barely audible.
Jimmy’s expression softened, just slightly, as he watched her. “Then prove it,” he said quietly. “Not with words, Avey. With actions. And maybe that starts with giving him the space to move on.”
The silence that followed was suffocating, broken only by Avey’s shaky breathing. Jimmy leaned back, his expression unreadable, but his disappointment in her was clear.
“Do you really think love is just about clinging to someone, no matter how much pain you cause them?” Jimmy asked, his voice low but firm. “Because if that’s all it is to you, then you’ve already lost.”
Avey lowered her gaze, her hands twisting together in her lap as her mind raced. For a moment, she thought she had the strength to respond
“And…” Jimmy gestured toward her with a tired, almost pitying look. “These feelings you’re talking about? They’re not love. They’re guilt. They’re regret. The loss of someone who really cared for you.”
Avey opened her mouth to protest, but Jimmy raised a hand to stop her.
“Don’t,” he said firmly. “Don’t try to convince me otherwise. I know what I’m talking about. These feelings you’re having now… they’re momentary. Temporary. And it’s easy to confuse guilt with love when you realize you’ve lost something you didn’t appreciate.”
Jimmy leaned back in his chair, shaking his head as a bitter laugh escaped his lips. “Think about it, Avey. It’s been, what? Three or four days since Lucian rejected you? Since he didn’t show up to your birthday? And suddenly, you feel like your world’s falling apart. But that’s not love. That’s guilt. That’s regret. And it’s hitting you hard because you’ve never had to face it before.”
He sighed, his voice tinged with sadness. “You don’t love him. You’re just mourning the loss of someone who would’ve done anything for you. And you’re confusing that loss with love.”
“No,” Avey said firmly, cutting him off without hesitation. Her voice wasn’t loud, but it carried a weight that made Jimmy pause.
“It’s not guilt,” she continued, her tone steady despite the tears glistening in her eyes. “It’s love.”
Jimmy frowned, his gaze narrowing as he studied her. “You’re sure about that?” he asked, skepticism dripping from his words.
Avey didn’t answer immediately. She took a deep breath, her thoughts swirling as memories from a life long gone resurfaced.
She didn’t tell Jimmy what she was thinking, but the emotions were overwhelming. Yes, guilt was overwhelming, she thought to herself. It always had been. But it wasn’t just guilt. It was the small moments those fleeting, precious memories that proved to me it was more than that.
She recalled the countless nights she had spent after Lucian was gone in her last life. Sitting alone, replaying every mistake, every harsh word, every time she had turned him away. Those moments haunted her, but what hurt most was realizing how much he had loved her and how much she had loved him, without even knowing it.
How could I not see it before? she thought bitterly. The little things he did, the way he made me feel so important, so special. That’s what love is. And I was too blind to see it.
Her lips curved into a sad, bitter smile. Jimmy couldn’t understand not completely. But she did. She had spent decades thinking about this, reliving every moment, knowing deep down it wasn’t just guilt. It was love.
“I know the difference,” Avey finally said, her voice breaking the silence. “It’s love, Jimmy. Not guilt. I know it is.”
Jimmy tilted his head, his eyes narrowing as he looked at her. “You’re awfully sure of yourself,” he said dryly, though there was a note of curiosity in his tone.
Avey met his gaze head-on, her own eyes red but unwavering. There was no hesitation, no doubt.
“I love him more than anything,” she said, her voice firm, unshakable. “More than anything, Jimmy. And I mean that.”
Jimmy didn’t respond immediately leaned back, his arms crossed over his chest as he continued to study her. His expression was unreadable, but his silence spoke volumes.
For a long moment, all sat in silence, the tension in the air almost tangible. Avey didn’t waver, didn’t flinch under his gaze. Her confidence in her words was clear, etched into every line of her face.
Finally, Jimmy exhaled, his gaze softening ever so slightly. He didn’t say anything, but the intensity in his eyes dimmed as if he had found what he was looking for.
Even though Avey hadn’t explained everything, her words and the conviction behind them were more than enough.
—