Aether’s POV
‘Why me?’ I thought, the weight of despair settling in my chest like a heavy stone.
‘Because I don’t have anyone…..’ I wondered, my mind aching with the echoes of loneliness.
I pondered when everything went wrong….
My thoughts became a swirling storm, and my mind started to get fuzzy; is this what death feels like?
I began to recollect the memories, each recollection a painful stab to my heart.
I was born as an unwanted child between two famous celebrities.
“I want to live”
Whether I was cursed or not, the moment I turned three, they divorced and walked away from each other.
For the sake of upholding their public image or perhaps due to legal obligations, they took turns caring for me, splitting the responsibility every six months.
I found myself tossed back and forth between their lives…. My only longing was for love, yet what they offered was a mere substitution…. money wrapped in the guise of affection.
At a certain juncture, my father remarried, and as a result, my mother assumed permanent custody of me. It brought a genuine sense of happiness, as I believed I had finally found a stable and enduring home.
Despite the knowledge that she might not harbour deep affection for me, I clung to the hope that through unwavering performance and discipline, I could earn her acknowledgement and acceptance…. I thought just like any other child wants.
“I want to live”
However, reality proved to be cruel. Before long, she entered another marriage. As a woman navigating societal expectations, she felt compelled to maintain a particular image.
In this facade, she used me, portraying herself as making a sacrifice for my sake, all to avoid loneliness without a father figure….
Regrettably, the man she married never uttered a single word to me. His gaze treated me as if I were a contagious disease, a pariah.
The situation worsened when my mother, carrying his child, gave birth to my younger brother.
To tell the truth, I was genuinely thrilled to have a younger sibling. Anticipation bubbled within me….
I wanted to play with him.
I wanted to show him what means to be a good big brother.
“I want to live”
..I wanted to give him piggyback rides, take him to amusement parks, feed him with a small spoon, and shower him with endless love unlike me….
However, the moment he entered this world, my mother uttered words that shattered something inside me,
“My child is going to become the greatest person in the world”
Her words were accompanied by a lovely and joyful smile, one I had never seen until that day…. A smile I longed for…. She was showing now…. But not for me… ah?
And soon everything within our home shifted. My mother, who had at least listened to my words before, began treating me like a true plague, more akin to a leech. From that day forward, my life took a drastic turn.
I was forbidden from playing with him.
I wasn’t allowed to go out of my room until they called me.
I was only allowed to see him or even see my family when they called me for dinner.
The dinner table became a place of confusion and frustration as I struggled to comprehend why they incessantly compared me to my brother.
Even then, I had to wear gloves, a puzzling restriction I couldn’t grasp till now.
To add to my distress, my brother effortlessly excelled in every aspect, outshining me at every turn.
I found myself constantly overshadowed by my brother. Despite my earnest desire to reach his heights, no matter how hard I tried, he consistently outperformed me.
Whether it was studies, athletics, extracurricular activities, or talents like acting and singing, he excelled in each domain….
I finally acknowledged he was better than me…. Yeah, way better than me!!
Still, as a big brother, I never envied him.
“I want to live!”
…..At a certain point, my mother seemed to completely forget my existence….. Desperate for her Love…..
I resorted to an idiotic plan….
A single regret that would alter the course of my life.
A regret I still had….
In an attempt to draw her attention, I rebelled against them.
I cut classes, and neglected my studies, allowing my grades to plummet to the bottom, despite previously maintaining a middle-level performance. I turned a blind eye to everything around me.
I adopted an ‘I don’t care’ attitude and delved into the delinquent lifestyle…. ƒrēewebnovel.com
Engaging in skirmishes with school delinquents and eventually ascending to the role of their leader. I found myself standing up against those who harassed women and elderly individuals, earning a somewhat reluctant reputation as a defender of justice among the delinquent circles.
It was during this period that I formed an unexpected friendship with two idiots who were being bullied by some thugs….
In a way I am a good Delinquent, I guess?
Eventually, my efforts yielded results, but not in the way I had hoped…
My parents instructed me to drop out.
Yes, they literally asked me to drop out instead of discussing the problem.
It was then everything went broke for me….
Despite My mother being an actress and My second father was a powerful businessman and politician.
They put me in a bakery workshop…. Truly laughable but neither Media… that now focused on my brother nor My first father who was a famous actor paid any heed.
Yes, I visit my first father sometimes, not for the money but for some love and yet, much like my mother, he avoided me.
When I could no longer bear it, I confronted my mother, seeking an explanation for the lack of love. The answer she provided was bitterly laughable…
“A defective product that only knows how to laugh”
It was utterly devoid of emotions as if she didn’t even consider me human.
It was then I finally understood why….
Because… I am a defective product that laughs at other’s pain.
….What cursed body I born with….
I had been born with this ‘Disease’ (They called).
I smile… Laugh…. Always…. Anywhere…. Anytime….
It doesn’t matter what other’s problems are and what others are going through in their life….
I wouldn’t be able to show sadness for them.
Even I couldn’t able to show my own pain and sadness to others….
What a cruel disease…ah?
…..
…
What the fuck? This was the fucking body you guys gave me!!
I wasn’t the one who wanted this fucking body!!
I wasn’t the one who asked you to give birth to me!!!
Do you think I wanted to be like this?
“I want to live!”
…….I can’t even cry in the wretched world!!
No matter what I tried, all I could do was laugh and laugh….
Laugh at other’s pain….
Laugh at other’s sadness….
Laugh at other’s failure….
Laugh at my friend’s life…
Laugh at my friend’s struggle….
Laugh at my cat’s death….
Laugh…
Laugh…
Laugh…
Laugh…
All I knew was just a FUCKING LAUGH!!!
In the end, I Laughed at my own sadness.
Why? Why should I suffer for your mistakes?
So You guys didn’t want a defective child in order to maintain your prestige….ah.
“Arrh,” a groan escaped me as a sharp pain stabbed my chest.
I-I supposed this was the end…
My… My life until then had been controlled by my second father, who used his power to make me submit to my brother.
Just a few days before, I had received a call from my second father stating he had a job for me…
It was a job as a security guard.
Hehe… I couldn’t help but laugh when I heard the job details. What’s more, it was under my brother’s company.
Even though my second father had a big company and was a politician, my brother had joined another company. I wondered why…
“I want to live!”
….Was he one of those guys who wanted to shine but not under their father’s shadow?
What fuckers…. They didn’t know what kind of opportunities they had…
And my second father—no, that bastard who wrecked my life…
I always wondered why, no matter what, I was the one who lost a job even in a simple matter.
‘Why didn’t you put a margin on this data? Because of this, we lost a million-dollar project… You are Fired!!’ That’s what my lost boss said.
Seriously, my last job really tried hard to find a reason to fire me…hehehe.. Million dollars?
That company can’t even be worth a thousand dollar project…hehe
Anyhow,
After receiving the call, I understood…
I FUCKING UNDERSTOOD THAT BASTARD WRECKED MY LIFE!
“Arrrhhh!” I felt my consciousness fading away.
Until the very last moment, I couldn’t even control my own death…..Truly Useless…
L-Let’s take a rest; I’ve had enough of this nonsense.
“I WANT TO LIVE!!!!!”
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU???
You want to live… no, me… I want to live.
I want to live… ah?
….
For what?
Just to live this unwanted crap again!!
W-What’s wrong with me? I want to die, that’s all….
….
…
B-But,
I-I also want to live…. Arrrhhh… Just…. Just, sigh…
I find myself without a clear path to move forward since ‘she’ left me.
She was light in my darkness…. yet, this body was the reason she left me….
Really a defective product….
What’s the point of living any longer?
I wondered what kind of man she was going to marry. She was a wonderful woman, and having her as a wife would have been a blessing.
“Arr,” my body feels lighter. It’s a strange sensation but feels really good…hehe….
Hehe…he….
“BUT I DON’T WANT TO DIE!!!” I cried.
“I don’t want to die like this,
P-Please, I don’t want to end my life here,
I want to see her again,
I want to have a happy family,
I want to punch that ‘bastard’ face that ruined my entire life,
I want to—arhhhhh”
…
…..
I-I guess, there was no point in being stubborn.
T-This was not an Anime… Where god would be awed by the resilience and chose me…. Hehehe, I truly corrupted….
But hey, sometimes I wish this was just like an anime where the main character gets stronger by staying resilient.
A little hope…..
I feel a little s-sleepy….ahhh….. Let’s sleep…
B-But before I sleep, I-I have to at least punch this man who took my life; otherwise, I would feel like shit now…..
I tried to clench my fist, but I couldn’t fee—–