Expert: Young people generally lack the ability to talk about love
, Zheng Li, a contracted psychological counselor at the Institute of Psychology of the Chinese Academy of Sciences, said in an interview with the "Global Times Health Client" reporter that China's single population is getting bigger and bigger. According to the China Statistical Yearbook (2022), as of 2021, there were about 239 million single people over the age of 15 in China. Moreover, the age of marriage and childbearing among young people in China is generally delayed, and the "Chinese Population Census Yearbook-2020" shows that the average age of first marriage in China in 2020 is years, an increase of years from years in 2010.
According to the survey, percent of the young people have a fixed social circle, followed by percent who are homely and do not like to socialize, and percent who are not good at expressing themselves. In addition, of them have their leisure time being encroached upon by the online world, have limited channels for making friends, do not know how to get along with the opposite sex, and are busy with work and have no time.
Zheng Li believes that the three major obstacles to young people's love - fixed social circles, homeliness, dislike of socializing, and poor expression - are all related to the lack of emotional education among young people. For a long time, China's education system has been dominated by intellectual education, and there is a lack of emotional education courses such as love courses and sex education courses. Emotional education is a comprehensive emotional intelligence ability education that carries out emotional cultivation, emotional guidance, emotional expression and emotional regulation for students in the process of education, which can help students establish good interpersonal relationships and emotional relationships, promote the development of their emotional intelligence, emotional communication, self-knowledge and self-management ability, and improve their sense of happiness and satisfaction in life in an all-round way.
Nowadays, young people generally lack the ability to talk about love. From childhood to university, they have cultivated all kinds of "survival" abilities, and there is very little knowledge inculcation related to love and emotional intelligence. Children's socialization, expression, and even communication with the opposite sex, conflict handling and other abilities should be cultivated from kindergarten and further strengthened in middle and high school. Due to the neglect of emotional education, young people often face the embarrassing situation of "parents are forbidden to fall in love during school, and parents urge marriage after graduation".
In addition, with the popularization of smartphones, social media, etc., young people are becoming more accustomed to interacting online such as social media. The reduction of face-to-face communication affects young people's ability to perceive, observe and understand social situations, hinders the development of empathy ability, and hinders the improvement of social skills. Coupled with the impact of the new crown epidemic, it has exacerbated the anxiety and fear of face-to-face social interaction in some people.
To solve the problem of young people's difficulty in marriage and love, Zheng Li believes that on the one hand, single young people should start fundamentally, that is, from scientific and formal channels, take the initiative to accept adult emotional education and education, and make up for the lack of emotional lessons in childhood. Individuals can also take the following steps:
1. Plan your social forms and force yourself to break out of your social circle. You can start by socializing with familiar people on a regular basis (., one day a week), force yourself to go outside, and slowly expand to strangers. For example, those who like to stay at home can start with quieter activities such as reading clubs, coffee tastings, and wine tastings.
2. Train your expression skills. There are several key points: first, the expression should be innovative, use more complimentary expressions, such as "your temperament is great today", etc., to avoid too daily and mediocre conversations; second, the expression should be sincere, look at each other with appreciation, explore the advantages and highlights, and then express your feelings in words; third, when encountering contradictions, emotionally stable words about your feelings and resolve contradictions.
3. If you do have difficulty interacting with others, it is recommended to seek help from a professional counselor in time.
On the other hand, the State and society also need to provide the necessary auxiliary support.
The state should vigorously popularize the establishment of love classes, sex education classes, and other emotional courses, to help minors learn to express and empathize. The government should strengthen the regulation and supervision of matchmaking agencies and dating websites, and not let them become vulgar.
Professional psychologists are able to provide high-quality emotional guidance and social and love skills training to young people through online courses and other channels.
PS: The new work is on the author's homepage.
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