"Today, Shifu shall teach you how about the creature known as women. Women are a fascinating creature. They say 'no'…"
"But their body is straight?"
"Idiot! Dimwit! Stupid! You learnt all that from your senior martial uncle, didn't you?!" Shifu glared at me hoping that I would know better. *
"Shifu, could you at least not include English while scolding me…?"
"Open your heart and remember one thing when you encounter a woman that's hard to get along with," Shifu trained his deep loving gaze on me, looked up to the sky and roared three words. His holy voice made my blood, breath, pulse and even my soul feel shocked like they were conquered.
"PUSH HER DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
To this day, I still remember that after shifu said "push her down", he hadn't had enough and licked his lips. I still can't erase the ecstatic expression on that old geezer's face. It's virtually a traumatic childhood memory.
And so I was now faced with a very important decision.
To push down, or to not push down?
This is an important life decision.
The person before me has a crescent nose, apricot peach cheeks, long legs, a slender waist, and is enchanting, yet carries an innocent aura. You could say that it was a gift that all the men in the world craved for.
"If you push her down, you'll be rewarded with infinite joy. If you don't push her down, you'll be left with infinite regret. Disciple, pursue happiness now."
Shifu's demonic voice rang in my eyes and made my mind fuzzy.
If that's how it is, I choose-
Wait!
Su Xiao is a man, alright?!
That was dangerous! My brain nearly short-circuited there.
I anxiously shook my head, and recited the legend of the three chrysanthemums from memory.
And yet I saw Su Xiao looking at me with his big beautiful eyes as he grunted and said: "Are you hiding something from me? I was wrong about you! You told me we were best friends."
Hey!
I always thought you were slow and so I'd be fine! Why are you betraying me now?!
"Big Brother Ming, I actually do know."
"You do?"
No way!
Su Xiao really knows? I really do have to push… Ah, fuck! Why am I always having sick thoughts?
"Wh-What do you know?"
"Why are you hiding so obvious from me?" Su Xiao wasn't suspicious. To the contrary, he looked at me with a very concerned gaze. He reached his hand out and placed it on my forehead: "You must have a fever; otherwise you wouldn't act so abnormal. Don't worry about the investigation if you're not well. We don't need the credits. Be a good boy, okay? Let's head back."
I looked at Su Xiao and let out a big heart-felt sigh…. He just thought I underwent a big personality change because I was sick?
This isn't too good, but it's better than if it were to develop into the final ending.
What? You're asking me what the final ending is? Why of course that's to push… Kekekekeke.
"Fuck off!" I pushed Su Xiao away and caught my hand, "How am I sick? I'm not sick."
"But, today you…"
"It's all knowledge I acquired from reading books. Everything I mentioned was recorded in the Black and White Reflection." I pressed on with my nonsense, "go buy yourself a copy and read it if you don't believe me. There's nothing that's not mentioned in The Black and White Reflection. I always told you to read more, but you just wouldn't listen, you naughty boy."
"Are you really not sick?"
"Yes, I'm not." I hurriedly stood up, took a step, shivered, then turned my head around, and pat him.
"Look how full of vigour I am."
"Nope, I think you're sick." Su Xiao took my big hand off his head. "Yes, you look full of vigour, but you're still abnormal."
"Alright, I know you're worried about me. Thank you." I placed my hand back on his head and give him a gentle scrub, "I'll tell you if I'm not feeling well, alright?"
Su Xiao didn't remove my hand this time. He instead let me scrub his head. He blushed and said: "Your words. Don't go back on them."
I chuckled and said: "Yes, yes, yes."
……
Why do I feel that the atmosphere is weird. It's like the air around us turned pink. And Su Xiao's expression looked like he was enjoying my scrubbing more and more. My hand too, started to feel like it was enjoying the touch of his head. It felt strangely nice….
This atmosphere is fucking toxic!!
I quickly pulled my hand back. Su Xiao opened his eyes wide and looked at me as though somebody suddenly awoke him from his beautiful dream.
"Hmm, this… This…"
As I was fumbling my words, a large sound came from the main door. A large group of warriors then started cussing loudly: "Tang Ye! This is the main courtyard of the Qilin Guards! How many lives do you think you have to be acting like you run the place here?"
What?!
Is the people's friendly neighbourhood friend, Tang Ye here?!
Tang Ye has arrived!
"Why are you so happy about him arriving…?"
"Of course I'm happy. It's everybody's good buddy, Tang Ye!"
Tang Ye was basically my saviour in this moment. But the shouting at the door started again.
"Fuck off!! You want to fight us? Are you nuts?!"
"Who are you accusing of holding your friends? Ming Feizhen? I don't know who that is!"
"Fine. People call you the devil, and you sure live up to the title. Come, try me."
And finally, I heard cries, calls for help and a beautiful scene under the sunset.
Not long after, Tang Ye stepped into the flower garden like a meteor shower with his cool cold facial expression. His entire body was blazing, so I guess he must've just used Yang Blood Vital Qi. No wonder those guys got beaten to a pulp.
Tang Ye got startled when he saw Su Xiao and I sitting safely in the small flower garden drinking tea, and was left speechless. It then looked like he convinced himself and said: "You truly are admirable, big brother. You really are powerful."
"Don't be so modest, you're the strong one here."
There are more than two-hundred people waiting to smash you, bro!
"They're just lackeys. There's nothing related to being strong or not."
Tang Ye turned his head around to look at the group of Qilin Guards that he insulted and then nonchalantly said: "Who wishes to fight me? Step out. I welcome any challengers."
A man quickly appeared.
"You know who I am, don't you?"
"You?" Tang Ye paused and then blurted: "The waiter from Dong Po Tavern, Liu Zi?"
"Fuck you, you motherfucker! I'm not a waiter!"
The Qilin Guards Jia level warrior, Yi Yixian was fuming.
Yi Yixian took a big step forward: "I'll show you the power of a rank forty-four Jia level warrior!" His alias is One Silver Line. He's a user of the Iron Wire Fist and he's right-handed. He took out iron rings from his shirt and slipped them onto his arms. When he threw a punch, the clanging of the iron rings were quiet loud
Su Xiao got surprised and yelled: "Tang Ye, watch out!"
Tang Ye, however, didn't care. I didn't give a damn either. Tang Ye is best with his fists, and yet this guy is challenging him to a fist-fight? As if he could beat Tang Ye.
Tang Ye directly stabbed his hand in and grabbed a column of rings on Yi Yixian's arms while deflecting Yi Yixian's other attack. His palm was blazing hot, so Yi Yixian's iron rings were burning bright red only a while later.
Tang Ye withdrew his hands. Yi Yixian himself couldn't withstand the heat and removed the iron rings from his arms, but that's what Tang Ye was waiting for. As soon as Yi Yixian removed them, Tang Ye quickly struck the iron rings with his palms, propelling them back at him with even more force.
Yi Yixian couldn't bring up his guard in time and the deflected rings hit him on his body causing him to stumble backwards seven steps before he could stop himself. He wore a painful look on his face. His face was bright red and there were bullets of sweat on his forehead. It was clear that Tang Ye's Yang Blood Vital Qi burnt his nerves which caused him to suffer like that, not to mention the injury he got at the end. It looks like he won't have a chance at participating in the imperial martial arts tournament anymore.
"Thanks for going easy." Tang Ye gently raised his fist and clasped it with the other, held his hands before him to pay respect, "Who else would like to fight? I…"
I smacked him in the back of his head. This punk is a fighting-addict.
"Fight, my foot. Let's go."
All the warriors there suddenly became angels and gave me looks of concern. Their gazes were clearly saying: "He dared to smack Tang Ye behind the head? This kid has lost his mind. Aren't you afraid that he'll use Qin Na, hang you up, strip you and put you on display to the public?
However, Tang Ye obediently nodded and said: "Understood, big brother." Everybody present dropped their jaws.
The three of us were invincible and we easily left the main courtyard of the Qilin Guards. Having a handsome guy, who's skilled and is my younger brother is great.
I asked Tang Ye: "How'd you arrive so quickly? Didn't you seclude yourself in the mountains?"
"Captain Song ordered someone to fetch me. On the way back I ran into Zha Pi, so I came here first."
"Captain Song?" Does he mean Song Ou? I don't get it then. Hasn't he always sat back and not contributed?
"Anyhow, let's go see him first."
"How was it at the Qilin Guards place?"
Ever since he lost to me, he's kept calling me Big Bro and treated me with courtesy, a little too much courtesy that I'm not used to it.
"Nothing much. We just performed autopsies using chopsticks and then I had some tea with Su Xiao." If I mention that we met experts from the Emperor's Entourage, he'll probably go and challenge them or something, so it's better if I don't.
"Just the two of us." Su Xiao seemed to understand what I was thinking and added: "We were really happy."
But then that raised another problem.
"The two of you drank together happily?"
Tang Ye looked at me with resentment and said: "Big bro, I feel lonely with you doing that." I suddenly felt like all the ears by the doors of the Qilin Guards main courtyard perked up to listen in closely, the same way the eyes of a man who discovered gold looks. After they saw my death-stare, they all quickly turned back to hiding in the courtyard.
Hey! Why the hell are you all running after hearing that? Let me explain. It's not like that!
Su Xiao stupidly said: "If you're lonely, next time, the three of us…"
Hey! Enough!
The atmosphere in our small team is already very weird as it is, so could you please stop making it spiral further downwards?!!
"Alright, shut up. Go home quietly for me!"
I forcefully cut him off, wrapped my arms around these two burdens and ran towards Liu Shan Men.
Glossary
*He actually says "stupid" in English.
Qin Na is Chinese martial art focused on grabbing and subduing opponents.