I've been very unlucky recently.
Not only was I misunderstood by Boss Shen and take a few inkstones to my face, I even screwed up multiple times when I tried to withdraw from the imperial martial arts tournament.
My original plan was to skip the preliminaries and dodge the competition since I wouldn't have to participate in the semi-finals.
But it didn't turn out as planned. My opponent got killed by the Black Winds Thirteen Wings before I even got to see what he looked like!
And so the innocent me ended up entering thesemi-finals.
Then it happened again yesterday. I had three matches, in other words, I had at least three chances to leave the awkward situation.
But then the Black Winds Thirteen Wings went and killed those three before I even got to see them once!
For fuck sakes, do you people have any respect for the rules of the pugilistic world?!!
Why is it that my opponents end up getting offed whether or not I'm present?! I can't even cast my "Hey! Your shit has poison!", "I've already expended all my energy…", "Hey you bald monk, how dare you steal from this priest…" and the sort of lines characters use when they have platform to show their skills.
And don't remind me… That fucking Yi Yixian… He looks exactly like Dong Po Tavern's Liu Zi, but the damn bastard brought me the braised pork shoulders from old Zhang's place where he sells shady pork. It was basically an insult to my tastebuds!
God damn it, I'm so damn pissed!
I pat my cheeks as I walked forward a few steps.
There was a huge suspended tower in front of me. This was the venue of the imperial martial arts tournament. Today was the last day of the tournament, so I'm forced to go down there and put on a show too….
The ring was set up outside the plaza of the imperial city where it was best suited for holding events where there would be a large audience such as this.
The ring was surrounded on four sides by a rowdy audience. Seats which were reserved for those with prominent identities were arranged around the ring. Those not qualified such as maids, eunuchs, minor ministers and secretaries, and so forth could only stand and watch the competition from the farthest position. But even so, with such a major event being held in the imperial city that was rare to see, there was an ocean of people standing, creating a bustling atmosphere from morning till night with no stopping.
I walked up closer. There were no stairs around the ring. It was just a big lonely tower. To get up there, you had to either leap up or disgracefully climb up.
The point of the design was very obvious. It was for the participants to show their qinggong.
So it was obvious all of the participants were skilled martial artists. Competitors had to demonstrate their prowess just getting onto the ring. That way, you didn't have to fight to show off either. You might raise a white flag and surrender upon being stunned by your opponent's skills.
As soon as I entered the ring, the crowd started talking.
"Here we go, here we go!"
"Hey look, it's the guy that's rumoured to be on par with the Qilin God of Battle!"
"Oh! So it's him?!"
What? Qilin God of Battle?"
I pat my cheeks and couldn't help but blow out a big puff of air.
Isn't that the second strongest Qilin Guard? I heard he was still out and yet to return. What's he got to do with me?
I could only hear the ladies and young housewives around the ring. The old man from the Zhang family and the Li family couldn't stop gossiping. There was a particular military minister who doesn't know any martial arts, but is very familiar with the pugilistic world. A few old ladies, and girls shook his head while continuing to talk, causing him to become a bullshitting-misleading prophet.
"You people are just ignorant. Come here, come here, come closer, I'll tell you what the truth is."
"They say that the Qilin God of Battle, Yi Ya is a living weapon. Death is inevitable when he strikes. Those who touch him will be wounded. He's considered an ultimate living weapon. Sigh, I've seen Sir Yi arrest a criminal before. Don't underestimate him because he's young. That particular criminal had a great sabre that emitted energy in all directions. It was a very powerful sabre that could slice a bull from head-to-tail in half. But when he slashed at Sir Yi's body, his great sabre snapped. Sir Yi snapped it into bits and pieces, letting them scatter all over. Sir Yi managed to put him away with just a single gentle poke with his finger. The criminal couldn't take one strike."
The girls were wowed and frozen. They couldn't help but exclaim.
Somebody immediately voiced their objection: "Talk about exaggeration! A normal sabre that's very sharp and wielded swiftly could also split a bull's head in two. But that's if you're talking about restricting it and slicing it. Slicing it in half from head to tail? Putting all else aside, given how tough a bull's head is, a great sabre wouldn't even be able to cut it, yet you're saying it cut from head down to the tail? That's dream-talk!"
"What would I lie to you for? There were witnesses. There were lots of people on the street who saw it happen. That criminal was very fierce, but he couldn't do a thing to Sir Yi."
The punk's story was very complete. It's possible to snap a great sabre using just two fingers if your internal energy has been cultivated to a high enough level. If his story is true, that Yi Ya's internal strength must be incredible, in fact, he might have surpassed the top martial artists of the pugilistic world. He would be ranked among the top level greats. But those people aren't even using their brains. What sort of criminal would have the luxury of boasting while he's being arrested…? He's got to be bullshitting.
But what I heard next shocked me.
"But while the Qilin God of Battle was powerful, he finally met his foe. Look up there! He's in the ring right now!"
I suddenly stopped and back-tracked a few steps.
Don't look at me… Don't look at me……
"Eh? He walked back. Hmm? He's heading back to the ring. Ah, he's walking back again. What's he hesitating for?"
Fuck you, you got some vendetta against me?!!
Why the hell are you locking on to me at a live event?!
I just gave up and jumped onto the ring.
They had no idea I could hear their conversation clearly from a distance. They continued: "Is he really that powerful?"
"Of course. That guy with the surname, Ming is no simple man. He's the secret weapon that Liu Shan Men's Shen Yiren uses to deal with Yi Ya."
What? What? What?
What's this breaking news?
How do they know something I'm completely clueless about?! When did I reveal my secret?! I was truly panicked now.
Could it be that my identity was revealed to some passer-by?!
"Liu Shan Men's Shen Yi Ren is incredible. She found three elite martial artists for the imperial martial arts tournament! One of the three is him."
After he finished speaking, everybody turned to look at me.
"Don't look at him!"
The prophet-like military minister shouted out to stop everybody from looking at me. But they weren't the only ones confused. I was befuddled as well. Why can't they look at me?
"Do you know what makes him so fearsome? You will die upon touching the Qilin God of Battle, Sir Yi Ya . The man with the surname Ming there is no less fearsome. You will die if you look at him or listen to him!"
….. Wait. Why does it get weirder and weirder the more I hear?
"He hasn't shown his martial arts skills once up until now. However, his opponents have been defeated by him. And that is the man who is on par with the Qilin God of Battle, Liu Shan Men's Plague, Ming Feizhen!"
Fuck you, motherfucker!!
Who came up with that shit name?! Square up!!!
"Far out, he looks exactly like a human, I never imagined……"
"He's that good at hurting people? You're not lying are you?"
This guy is shitting out of his mouth!
I'll show you who's a plague!!
My opponent then came up to the ring.
Oh my god……
My opponent… was a warrior from the emperor's entourage. He was walking on crutches, limping forward slower than a snail while his face was pale as a sheet of paper, huffing and puffing.
Hey, you took the wrong route to the doctor's. Who's so cruel that they'd get a cripple to fight?!
The warrior's eyes were blank. They were completely unable to focus. He trembled as he lifted up one crutch to point at me. He arrogantly stabbed the air a few times with a prideful attitude while he mumbled "sss…", "sss……", some indiscernible stuff.
Me: "……."
The crowd down below cried out: "Watch out, Formless Sword Spirit!"
"My! Could it be that that young man knows the long-lost Six Pulse Divine Sword?!"
"One-finger death touch! It must be the one-finger death touch! Could he be master Cheng Duan fucking Qing?!"
How… how is this fool Formless Sword Spirit? He's already a certified blind-man!!
The warrior continued hissing without end while I awkwardly stood there. I can't hit him, but I can't not hit him.
Which of these two aliases do you think is better: (a) bullying a cripple, or (b) being bullied by a cripple?
The warrior didn't quit. He was passionately stabbing the entire time.
The shallow people below immediately started whining "What sort of martial artist are you to be bullying a disabled person", "If you're tough, use real weapons", "Don't use black magic you plague"…… It became an uproar all of a sudden.
Come on, just finish me with your Six Pulse Divine Sword!!!
I'm dying from embarrassment here!
Before I could finish complaining, the warrior seemed to finally realise I wasn't in front of him and his crutch didn't reach me. He looked like he was squinting as he looked left and right quickly. His eyes then lit up as if he had finally found my location. My heart rate slowed down. There was still a chance.
He looked focused, and suddenly let out a big breath of air like he was about to unleash some big move!
I waited eagerly for him to give me the chance to bid farewell to the ring.
But I never thought that he just needed to cough……
"Cough, cough, cough, cough, cough!!"
His coughing worsened as if he was going to cough up blood…… Hey! He's coughing up blood! He's coughing up lots of blood!!
Bro! Bro! Don't die! Beat me down first. Please!!
It took him a good while to finish coughing. He looked like he took on seven or eight masters for three days and three nights, and had depleted all of his energy. His face was white as a sheet of paper while he leaned his entire body on his crutches. He looked like if he'd die if he moved.
How am I going to lose to him? I'm afraid that he'd die if I were to hit him with a strand of noodle.
Don't think that I'm exaggerating. He needed six people to lift him into the ring!!
I suddenly remembered that he was the one the Black Winds Thirteen Wings failed to assassinate. I heard that they failed to kill him that day, but still managed to severely wound him nonetheless. He would've been fine if he had just rested for some time, but he's been fighting in the preliminaries and semi-finals all this time…… So that's why he turned out like this.
He didn't wait for me to finish speaking. He faced towards the sky and shouted: "Today, I Qi Feilong!!"
Dragon Knight, huh?**
Before he could finish, he glared at me before falling down onto the ground with a loud thud.
……
The whole audience went silent. I held my breath and quietly awaited the referee decision…
Decision my ass! Is there a need to question the result?!
This isn't fair!
Fuck those fucking toxic Black Winds Thirteen Wings!! How the fuck did Dragon Knight lose?!!
Glossary
The title was a popular online game quote from a DOTA 2. I never played that so I had to read up on what it even meant. It was basically a situation where a really strong player/character (in this case it was Dragon Knight) who was too OP that it was impossible to make a comeback against, but then the other team went and made a comeback.
**The Qilong sounds the same as Dragon Knight (the DOTA 2 hero)
***Plague in Chinese has the character for "god/deity" in it, hence the joke