For a moment, Azriel’s mind went blank.
No thoughts. No sound.
Nothing.
And then…
“You bastard!”
Azriel lunged at his future self, toppling him into the snow. The freezing cold engulfed them as Azriel pinned him down.
He glared into the face of the man who smiled like a madman, that crooked grin still mocking him. Azriel’s fist curled tightly as he raised it high—ready to strike.
But then… he froze.
“Agh..!”
His fist stopped, trembling, just inches from the bastard’s face.
“Huh?”
His future self blinked, genuinely confused, as Azriel gritted his teeth. Snow clung to their bodies, but Azriel’s fist hovered in place, shaking with restrained fury.
Then, with a frustrated growl, Azriel drove his fist into the snow beside him.
“Dammit!” he shouted.
A guttural scream of frustration ripped from Azriel’s throat. As if to soothe his anguish, the first delicate flakes of snow began to fall, descending from the heavens.
“This is what you’ve been trying all along, isn’t it!? To make me go crazy!”
Azriel’s glare burned with fury as his voice rose.
“You don’t care about me surviving—or anyone else for that matter! You just wanted to create me. Someone who hates everything. Someone who burns the entire world and everyone in it!”
His future self’s grin faltered. The air between them turned frigid, colder than the snow beneath them.
“How did you figure it out?” he asked.
A blank expression settled on the face of his future self as he stared at Azriel, his eyes betraying only confusion… frustration… annoyance.
What had given it away? He couldn’t understand. Everything was supposed to be perfect.
Azriel’s hands clenched into fists, so tight that blood seeped from his palms, staining the pure white snow. Slowly, he raised his head and met his future self’s dull, lifeless eyes.
And seeing those very dull eyes… Azriel finally came to know. To finally understand.
.
.
.
“It’s like you said from the beginning,” Azriel said, his voice just as cold.
.
.
.
“I am you.”
.
.
.
“…!”
His future self’s eyes widened.
“No matter how much you change my past,” Azriel continued.
“I’m still you. That doesn’t change. And it doesn’t matter.”
Azriel leaned closer.
“I will never allow myself to become like you. Someone who destroys everyone and everything… just because I’m angry.”
“What…?”
Azriel’s future self scowled at him, his expression darkening at the words.
“Why not? Why not, after seeing how the worlds have treated you? How much you suffered in Neo Genesis, or how much you suffered as Leo Karumi? You keep suffering, and suffering—it’s almost like that’s your fate! Our fate!” His voice rose, shaking with anger.
“Why not just let others suffer for a change? Why do you always have to be the one who cares!?”
For the first time, Azriel saw something different in the man’s face—genuine frustration.
His future self glared at him.
“You really think you’ll lead a peaceful life?” he spat.
“We’re meant to be alone. Our fate is to suffer and to be alone. So why not just spare yourself all of that?”
Azriel stared at him, silent.
Those crimson eyes—they were so similar to his own, yet so different. Instead of being dull like his future self’s, they were clear.
So, so clear.
Azriel stood up, stepping to the side. He dusted the snow off his clothes.
“You were the one who interfered with the system, weren’t you? Well, I don’t even know if anything coming out of your mouth is true or not anymore, but it must be. Thanks for taking away all my rewards.”
He grumbled lightly, taking a few steps back. His future self struggled to his feet, glaring at him with pure annoyance.
“What’s with that look?” his future self sneered.
“Have I finally succeeded in making you a madman? Why else would you look like that after I just told you I tortured our family to death? After finding out your entire life was almost entirely a lie?”
Azriel didn’t respond. Instead, he leaned against a snow-covered boulder, looking up at the white sun, releasing a soft sigh.
“At least I know the truth now. The truth to so many questions. Sure, there are still a lot I don’t have answers to, but… at least I’m aware.”
His future self narrowed his eyes, taking a step forward as if to retort. But before he could speak, he faltered. His knees buckled, and he collapsed, coughing violently.
“Ah, fuck…”
Azriel blinked, watching the scene unfold.
“Looks like you’re reaching your limit.”
“Fucking… prolonged it as long as I could…” his future self rasped, blood dripping from his lips as he clutched his chest.
“But it’s finally time…”
He coughed again, the sound wet and harsh, before rolling over onto his back. His head hit the boulder with a dull thud, and he let out a shaky sigh.
“You told me not to break. I didn’t. You told me to live. I did. But I’m sorry—I won’t go mad. I won’t hate like you did, like everyone before us did.”
His future self’s eyes flicked to him, filled with a hateful glare as Azriel continued.
“You made me realize a lot of things—things I wouldn’t have understood if I hadn’t met you. So… thank you, Azriel.”
The man’s hateful glare deepened at hearing his name.
“All that planning,” his future self growled, his voice hoarse. “All of it… wasted. No matter. Eventually, you’ll die. Or suffer. And when you do… you’ll trigger [Redo]. And when that happens, you’ll finally realize…”
But Azriel shook his head, cutting him off.
“I won’t. I promise you—I won’t become like you. I won’t lose myself to madness like you did. You all created me so I’d take different actions, think differently, right? Then that’s what will happen. I’ll make sure of it.”
He stepped closer.
“I won’t follow the same path you all did.”
His future self grumbled something unintelligible, coughing harder. Blood coated his trembling hands, and a dark, humorless laugh escaped his lips.
“Ah,” he whispered.
“Looks… like I’ve finally… reached the end of my path.”
He closed his eyes, and the crimson-stained snow around him began to freeze over.
The wind began to howl.
A blizzard was forming.
The snow deepened with every passing moment, blanketing everything in white.
Both of them stood there, slowly being swallowed by the storm. Neither moved. Neither cared.
Azriel looked at the man before him.
His breaths grew shallow—each one more labored than the last. He was already dead. And yet… it seemed as though this time, he was truly dying.
“I want to hate you,” Azriel began.
“To resent you. To kill you. But there’s no point. If I did, I’d only be doing what all of you wanted.”
His crimson eyes narrowed, the words pouring out like a confession.
“The difference between the two of us is that when I lost my family the first time, I was powerless to change anything. You weren’t. You let your powers control you. And because of that… you—no, we—created a circus. A circus of lies.”
A hollow laugh escaped his lips, but there was no humor in it.
It was a cruel joke—one where the only one who truly suffered was himself.
Oh, how they lied to everyone. Yet the one Azriel had lied to the most… was himself.
He didn’t know if his future self could still hear him.
Maybe he could.
Drip… drip…
Tears slid down Azriel’s face. The icy wind froze them almost instantly, but they kept falling.
The blizzard grew fiercer, its howl drowning out everything.
The sun, pale and distant, vanished behind the storm.
It was just the two of them now.
And yet… Azriel felt no cold.
“I’m sorry you had to go through all of that…”
A single tear escaped his future self’s eye, matching Azriel’s. It trailed down his frozen cheek before vanishing into the snow.
Azriel turned away.
The storm raged, the freezing winds whipping around him, covering the body of his future self until it was nothing more than a faint silhouette in the endless white.
Azriel walked forward, his steps steady, his voice a whisper lost to the storm.
“I’ll reach the end this time… without dying. For all of us.”
And the blizzard continued to howl, its breath so cold, swallowing the world in its endless fold. Turning all into a sea of white, as if to end both day and night.
[End of volume one: Circus of Lies.]
*****
And with that, after 175 chapters, we have finally reached the end of Volume 1! Oh, indeed, what a circus it was, wasn’t it? Anyway, I’m curious—how was your experience reading Volume 1? Did it satisfy you, or did it fall short?
Personally, I think I could have done better with some chapters, while others were my best efforts. Well, I’m a newbie writer, after all, and I strive to improve each day, writing despite my busy schedule.
Let me know how you felt about Volume 1 in a review! And perhaps… gift me a castl— ahem, never mind. So yeah, there will be no break tomorrow as we dive into Volume 2.
It has been quite a journey to reach the end of Volume 1, but we’re far from finished! We’ve barely scratched the surface, in fact. So don’t die on me now, alright?