Chapter 62: Chapter 62: My Former Self Was a Fool Chapter 62: Chapter 62: My Former Self Was a Fool Ye Xiu touched her chest, feeling dizzy and disoriented. She did not know where she was. She seemed to see the young Xingxing, the one who cooked on a small stool.
At first, everything was a blur, unable to distinguish the salt from the oil.
She watched as Xingxing burned her hand and cut her finger with the kitchen knife; she was alone, clutching the wound, wanting to find her.
But strangely, it was as if the her in the dream did not see it.
The light in Xingxing’s eyes faded, and she wandered aimlessly, looking for spider webs. Then she wrapped the wound with the white kind of spider web?
Ye Xiu nearly shouted, “Why didn’t you see it, why.”
Back then, they were with Xixi, doing homework; one was tutoring while the other checked. It was incredibly thoughtful.
She saw Xingxing had finished cooking, looking at them with grievance, but they did not notice because Xixi was telling a story, they found it fascinating, Bai Ye and Bai Yu were also happily chatting on the side.
Xingxing, feeling alienated, tucked her fingers under the table. She was like an outsider.
Suddenly, the scene shifted again.
It was little Xingxing going to cut pigweed, tumbling countless times before she got back home. Then she began to cook, feed the pigs, and wash clothes.
Bai Yu and the others came back with candy. Xingxing was surprised and thought it was for her, so she ran over, staring at them eagerly.
Xixi wanted to give Xingxing the candy, but Bai Ye started to disdain Xingxing, criticizing her for not digging fish mint, yet still wanting candy.
After a harsh lecture, they finally gave the candy to Xingxing.
Xingxing was so aggrieved, she ate the candy while tears streamed down her face.
If before it was just a concept, now through her dreams, she could clearly understand just how much Xingxing had to do in a day.
And Xingxing, cautious from the start, tried to get closer to them, even if it was just with a glance.
But she never gave her a glance, not even one.
Ye Xiu covered her heart, tears continuously falling, wetting the pillow…
From a bystander’s perspective, she finally saw how much Xingxing had suffered.
Her anticipation in the beginning, followed by disappointment, and finally her eyes lost their light.
She tried to get their attention, but did not push Xixi away; instead, it was Bai Ye who pushed Xingxing, and Xingxing took it without moving away…
She saw blood everywhere. Blood everywhere…
At this moment, Ye Xiu started feeling furious. Truly, she didn’t want to see Xixi anymore, she just couldn’t.
She didn’t know if it was because Xixi was too adorable, which might have made her gaze involuntarily fix on her. Wanting to love her, but Xingxing was her daughter.
Her daughter, whom she carried for ten months and painstakingly gave birth to, naturally, she should love her own daughter more.
This moment for Ye Xiu broke some barrier, and her mind was clearer than ever. Looking back at her past self, she was such a fool.
Was Xixi well-behaved?
Unintentionally praising herself while contrasting it with Xingxing.
These subtle thoughts didn’t seem so important. But they also revealed her scheming, which she hadn’t noticed before.
As for why, she didn’t want to delve deeper because now she clearly knew what she had to do.
Ye Xiu sat up, wanting to immediately find her daughter and hold her tightly in her arms, but she couldn’t right now.
Her daughter did not want to see her, she said she was not needed anymore.
What utter despair.
When she saw it in her dream, her heart ached so much she couldn’t breathe. That was her daughter, whom she wished she could sacrifice herself for.
Now, she couldn’t face Xixi anymore.
Because seeing her reminded her of how Xingxing had suffered so much injustice because of her. She could no longer be kind to her; perhaps being a bit cold was all she could manage.
“It really wouldn’t be indirect violence Ye Xiu could commit.”
“That is the difference.”
“That is the distinction between Ye Xiu and the others, even in anger, is she incapable of hatred?”
“In her heart, Xixi is just a child. Maybe a bit scheming, but not to the point of seeking revenge.”
“Mommy…”
Suddenly, a cautious voice sounded from outside the door.
She looked over and saw Xixi, her round big eyes filled with caution, as if she was afraid that Ye Xiu would be angry.
Regarding Xixi, her feelings were mixed at the moment, part of her felt angry, yet part of her wanted to be kind to her.
Ye Xiu closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and when she opened her eyes again, the tangled feelings had dissipated, as long as her thoughts were firm, no other thoughts would arise.
“Is there something you need?”
Ye Xiu’s voice was very cold, if possible, she did not want to see Xixi.
There’s a saying, “I do not kill Boren, but because of me, Boren dies.”
If Xixi hadn’t been there, she certainly wouldn’t have neglected Xingxing. This is a fact, and of course, it was also her own lack of firmness.
“Mom, we’re waiting for you to have cake, Xixi wants to save the best for you.”
A tear gleamed in Xixi’s eyes, seeing her mother’s neglect and indifference, it was not easy for her.
But dad said that mom is sad because she was hurt by her sister, so no matter how sad she is, she must take care of mom.
“No need, I won’t eat, you guys eat.”
Right now, she couldn’t bear to look at Bai Da and the others, because each one of them was a person who hurt Xingxing, including herself.
“Mom, what’s wrong with you, did Bai Zhi upset you? Just ignore her, pretend she isn’t your daughter.”
Bai Ye ran in from outside, he wasn’t cautious at all. He was speaking the truth. Bai Zhi dared to hit him and also hit big brother, are they now enemies?
With a smack.
Before anyone knew it, Ye Xiu stood up, walked over, and slapped Bai Ye hard across the face.
Bai Ye covered his face, looking incredulously at Ye Xiu.
Ye Xiu loved them and would never hit them; she always reasoned with them, this was the first time she had ever hit them.
Therefore, at this moment, Bai Ye looked shocked at Ye Xiu, even wondering if this was really his gentle mother.
“Mom, you hit me?”
Bai Ye’s eyes turned red, he looked at Ye Xiu, his eyes filled with confusion, grievance, and even a bit of anger.
“I hit you, and what were you saying?”
Ye Xiu’s hand was still trembling, this was the first time she had hit a child.
Doesn’t it hurt?
Of course, it hurt, but Bai Ye’s words were too much; he never felt sorry for Xingxing, didn’t think he was wrong for pushing her.
Now, even worse, he openly expressed rejecting Xingxing, and the disdainful look they gave when giving Xingxing candy, like it was charity.
All these images flashed before Ye Xiu’s eyes, and she felt that she had hit him too late.
“What did I say wrong for you to hit me?”
Bai Ye defiantly looked back at Ye Xiu.
“Well, I’ll tell you, saying you don’t want your sister is wrong, I should have hit you the moment you pushed Xingxing, it’s my fault.”